Through their love and care, fathers leave a permanent imprint on their children's lives. Read the common traits shared by the most effective dads.

    Well-known television personality Al Roker tells of his first TV job. He was hired to be the weekend weatherman for a television station in Syracuse, New York, in 1974. The station had business cards printed for him. When he went home for a visit, he showed them to his dad, a bus driver with the New York City Transit Authority. Inadvertently, Roker left the cards on his dad's dresser and returned to Syracuse.

    A few months later, Roker received a phone call from a man who lived in Brooklyn. “He's passing through Syracuse and wanted to say hi,” Roker recalls. Then, a day later, the same thing happened again: a stranger from the Brooklyn area called to say hello and “tells me to keep up the good work.” For several weeks, Roker continued receiving one or two calls from complete strangers. “Finally, I ask a caller how she got my number. The woman answers, ‘I ride on your father's bus. He's been handing out your business cards to all us riders, telling us to call you for support!'”

    That story is just one reason why Al Roker's father was the most important influence in his life. Through their love and care, fathers leave a permanent imprint on their children's lives. George Herbert, the seventeenth-century British poet, noted that one good father “is worth more than a hundred schoolmasters.” Being a father is a great privilege and comes with great responsibility. The best of fathers try hard to provide the kind of guidance their children need in order to make their own way in the world. Here are seven habits of highly effective fathers.

    1. Good fathers instill faith. They take seriously their role as spiritual teachers and mentors for their children. They take the Bible seriously where it states: “The Lord our God, the Lord is one! You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your might. And these words which I command … you shall teach them diligently to your children and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up” (Deut. 6:5-7 KJV). Good fathers not only promote the faith but promote the spiritual life by their own example. They attend church regularly with the family, joining in church activities such as midweek Bible study, singing in the choir, participating in church leadership. Guided by these words from the prophet Isaiah, fathers also give of their time by offering service to those less fortunate in the community: “Learn to do good; seek justice, reprove the oppressor, defend the fatherless, plead for the widow” (Isa. 1:17).

    Children who see a father engaged in spiritual growth activities are far more likely to follow in his steps. Good fathers know that promoting faith in their children gives them an invaluable resource for dealing with life's many challenges. Herbert Benson, author and physician, notes: “Going to church can actually make you healthier. Study after study has shown that the happiness and contentment engendered by faith are extraordinary contributors to overall health. Worship services are full of potentially therapeutic elements—music, aesthetic surroundings, familiar rituals, prayer and contemplation, distraction from everyday tensions, the opportunity for socializing and friendship, and education. Religious people consistently report greater life satisfaction, marital satisfaction, well-being, altruism, and self-esteem than do nonreligious people.”

    2. Good fathers show their love. They are not ashamed to say “I love you,” nor do they hesitate to shower their children with physical expressions of love. Actor Jack Klugman recalls being devastated at age 12 when his father died. Struggling for decades with depression over that loss, Klugman finally sought counseling. “It was then that I remembered that my father was the only one in my family who ever hugged me. The rest of my family stayed away from touching or hugging—especially my mother. Only my father was unashamed to show affection. My father taught me that showing your affection was not a sign of weakness but instead a sign of love.” Klugman says he passed his father's legacy on to his own two sons as well as his granddaughters. “Whenever I see them, we kiss and hug and show how fond we are of each other. I love it!”

    3. Good fathers make children their priority. Howard Schultz became chairman and CEO of Starbucks and expanded the company from its original three stores to more than 3000. Schultz was raised in a working-class family in Brooklyn. His father was a high-school dropout who held a series of low-income jobs as factory worker, trucker, and cab driver. “We actually lived in federally subsidized housing,” he states. To make ends meet, his father often worked long hours. In spite of having little discretionary time, the elder Schultz carved out space for his son. “There were many days when my dad came home from 14-hour days of very physical labor, and the first thing he did was look for me. We would put our gloves on, go outside, and have a catch. Those moments between a father and son are so special. Not a lot has to be said. But a certain bond develops from catching that ball from your father and throwing it back to him.”

    4. Good fathers teach. The art of living can be highly complex. Rather than let children flounder for themselves, good dads offer lessons for living. Then, when the going gets tough, a child can tap into seeds of information previously planted by a father. George M. Steinbrenner is best known as owner of the New York Yankees. He says his father was an incredible man who taught him many things that he utilizes to this day in his life and work. Included in that list of lessons are these:

• Always surround yourself with people who are smarter than you are.
• Always look to those who would criticize you rather than praise you—it is from your critics that you will learn the most.
• The speed of the leader determines the rate of the pack.
• You can't lead the cavalry if you can't sit in the saddle.
• Assume nothing!
• Trying is a poor third to doing

    For providing those kinds of lessons as well as others, Steinbrenner says: “To this day, he remains the man I would want to have in a foxhole with me.”

    5. Good fathers nurture their children's dreams. What they don't do is establish rigid expectations of what they want their children to do. Rather, they observe their children; sense their dreams, hopes, aspirations; and then encourage children to pursue those goals. They know that confidence is the companion to success, and so they do whatever they can to instill confidence in their children. Professional golfer Phil Mickelson says: “The greatest compliment I could ever pay my dad—and the one thing I'm most appreciative about—is that he never pushed me in one direction. Instead, he gave me, as well as my brother and sister, every opportunity to succeed at whatever it was we chose.” Mickelson recalls a day when he was 11 years old and had just won a tournament in junior golf: “Dad, I want to play golf for a living,” he announced. “I think I could be a pro.” His father responded: “You know, that would be great! If that's what you want, I'll try to give you every opportunity to play and practice.”

    6. Good fathers apologize. One of the most important things a father can do for his child is to say “I'm sorry” when he has been unkind, insensitive, or acted poorly. Rabbi Joseph Telushkin is a well-known author and popular speaker. He often gives lectures on anger management issues and says he frequently asks audiences how many of them grew up in households where their parents never apologized to them, even when they did something wrong. “Thirty to forty percent of those present routinely raise their hands,” he says. In discussions which follow, “it quickly becomes apparent that the pain of never having been apologized to often is still fresh. People describe the humiliation of being forced by parents to say they were sorry when they had done something wrong but knowing that no apology would ever be extended to them when they were the victims of their parents' unfair anger.” Rabbi Telushkin rightly says parents who fail to apologize send this awful message to their children: “You don't have to seek forgiveness when you mistreat someone weaker than yourself,” or “Because I raise and support you, I can treat you as I want. I don't have to say, ‘I'm sorry,' even when I'm wrong.”

    Good fathers don't make this mistake. They apologize as soon as they become aware of the unfair hurt they've inflicted, and they make their apology specific: “I'm sorry I embarrassed you in front of your friends yesterday.”

    7. Good fathers can be counted on. They are consistently reliable, dependable, trustworthy. Matt Lauer, coanchor of the Today Show, says his father's “greatest quality was reliability. He was a man of great character, and you could count on his reasoning, on his moral compass. You could count on the fact that he was with you win, lose, or tie.” Lauer says that was a powerful life lesson learned from his father and one which Lauer tries to convey to his own family. “When I'm dealing with my children … the one thing I want them to remember about me is that no matter what, they can count on me. At this age, to protect them, to make them laugh, to comfort them. As they get older, to come to when they have problems, when they have done something right or something wrong. This was really the greatest gift my father gave me.”

    The essence of a good father can be summed up in four terms: protector, teacher, role model, mentor. Children growing up with fathers who exhibit those qualities are the most fortunate in the world.