Learning to Cocreate My Life

I didn’t let go of ideas easily. 

At 8 I decided I was a writer; at 13 a concert pianist. At 15 I got married (it was later annulled), and at 18 my plans changed again when I decided to become a ballroom dance instructor. I was clever, cute, and awesome—in charge of my life and doing quite well.

My family’s prayers and my imagination often reined me in, despite my misadventures. After I graduated, I married my college sweetheart.

So it shouldn’t have been a surprise when I looked back in my 30s to recognize that all along, God’s plan had been not only to protect me but also to allow me to learn through missteps.

I was loved, protected, healed, and gently guided every step of the way. It was time to acknowledge that I was not the one in charge of my life.

I needed a miracle. I was an angry mother of two, with a loving (but often-traveling) husband—and I was too proud to ask for help. Although I hated being isolated and had not attended church for probably 10 years, my grandmother’s prayers finally penetrated my pride. I sought spiritual counseling.

The first words out of my mouth were accompanied by tears.

How would my kids ever forgive me for the hateful way I had been treating them? I really did love them, but I’d been so frustrated. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I don’t remember the prayer, but I remember the words the counselor spoke afterward. I opened my heart to the message: “Begin with today. Make each day the best day. You can’t do anything about yesterday. You can’t change it. You can only live each day being the best Bobbie you can be.” She followed that with something I’ve marveled at over the years: “Your children won’t remember any of the bad times if you give them your best each day. That’s what they will remember.”

Moving to California seemed to isolate us again.

But I recognized the Unity logo on a nearby church, remembering it from the Wee Wisdom® magazines I read when I was a child, and I felt drawn.

Each deciding step took time—with some kicking and screaming on my part—while Spirit gently urged me on my way. I joined the church, worked in the office, became a prayer chaplain, and later became a prayer chaplain leader/trainer. It all flowed in divine order and divine timing.

“Living as prayer” became my mantra.

It has been a 40-year journey since that first spiritual counseling session. Sometimes I’ve had to relearn a lesson or two, but Spirit has brought me along the path my angel-self recognized as mine to do. Each day I try to live my life as a constant prayer of gratitude and forgiveness. Releasing myself from the mistakes I’ve made and loving myself as Jesus asks us to do, I’ve learned more truths about myself and righted my feet when I’ve stumbled.