Good Questions: Romance Novel Lover; Rancor in the World; Soul, Mind, Body; and Rituals and Practices

Romance Novel Lover

Dear Dr. Tom: I’m a divorcee raising three middle schoolers. My income as a marketing executive for a good company is adequate, and I love my children. But after I get home from work, do the dinner and mom chores—homework, household clean up, and next day set up—I have barely an hour to sit with a glass of wine while reading in the quiet. And that’s where my problem begins. I like to read romance novels. I know they are glossy and happily-ever-after-ish, but the stories of lovers struggling to get together have stirred up my deactivated yearning to find someone special. Second time’s a charm, maybe. So, forgive this silly note. I know this isn’t a lonely hearts column. I may not send it. If I do, feel free to delete. Otherwise, I’m “open and receptive” to whatever wise suggestions you’ve got. 

—Regency Lover 

Dear Regency: True confessions—I love romance novels set in the 19th century. About wisdom, however … As a married guy in his late 70s, I’m way beyond the Marriage Mart, but young people tell me that online dating sites like Bumble, Match, and Hinge can actually work. Do your research. And don’t forget gathering places like churches, temples, synagogues, mosques, professional clubs, political gatherings, and other volunteer organizations. 

One final point. I love the fact that you are not suggesting you need someone to make your life complete. You sound like you’re already complete, but looking for someone to share the joy. That’s so healthy, so—dare I say it at my age?—so cool. 

As a Unity clergyperson, I would be remiss not to recommend prayer and meditation. The right and perfect person will appear for me. So, relax. Love will find a way. 

Rancor in the World

Dear Dr. Tom: If God is so good, why is there so much rancor in the world today? Why do people prefer conflict to harmony? In the 1990s, Rodney King asked if we could all get along. Same question today, only it includes nations, families, and individuals. Maybe it’s not possible. Maybe we’re programmed by evolution to fight, the survival of the fittest. I don’t like that image of our world. 

—Weary of Arguing  

Dear Weary: Wow. That’s a complex, deep question. You mention Rodney King, who was brutally beaten by Los Angeles police in the 1990s. He spoke to TV cameras during racial riots that followed the acquittal of his attackers. King (not related to Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.) urged his own doctrine of practical nonviolence. “Can we all get along?” he said. “We just gotta. We gotta. I mean, we're all stuck here for a while. Let's, you know, let's try to work it out.” Unfortunately, Rodney King’s call for harmony, like the “I Have a Dream” vision of M.L. King, Jr., remains unfulfilled. 

You also alluded to Darwin with the line “survival of the fittest,” but evolution is not warfare as much as it is competition for resources. Nature seems happiest when there is a balance between predators and prey. Ecosystems have existed for millions of years with minute, incremental changes. We might even say stability and balance is the goal, and when climate changes or a species outgrows its niche, the whole web of life must adjust to the new conditions. 

So, yes. We live in uneasy times. I am not convinced this is a rare occurrence. Humanity has not yet found its niche in an interactive, cooperative cosmos. And like Rodney King’s plaintive cry, we desperately need to learn how to get along. How to listen without prejudgment, even to those who see life radically differently. We don‘t have to agree with everyone, but surely Jesus and other great teachers have showed us that we travel this road together. We're all stuck here for a while. Let's try to work it out. 

Soul, Mind, Body

Dear Dr. Tom: I am from Kenya. I have been reading the teachings of Unity church for a long time, and I would love to know how does our soul, mind, and body connect together to bring out our spiritual being? 

—Benson Sereria, Nairobi, Kenya 

Dear Benson: Good question! I’d like to know that too. If I’m reading your inquiry accurately, you’ve collapsed several questions into a pile of metaphysical building bricks. In classic Unity thought, soul and mind have distinctly different theological meanings and are usually not paired like you did. Not that I have been accused of Unity orthodoxy, but here are the Fillmorean definitions from The Revealing Word by Unity cofounder Charles Fillmore: 

Fillmore believed everything originated in divine mind. He called our part of that equation the individuality, sometimes identified with the Christ-indwelling. When our individuality outpictures in human form, we have the power to shape our world by application of divine ideas. It’s way more complicated than that, and not without controversy about what Fillmore meant or whether it makes sense in our quantum age universe. But you sound like a serious student of Truth, so I invite you to continue the quest. 

Rituals 

Dear Dr. Tom: Recently, I have been feeling the need for rituals and practices to enhance my spiritual life. Am I just getting older and looking for something beyond the chaos of current life? I rejected the traditional church long ago in favor of a “spiritual, not religious” basilica of my mind, but now I’m finding gaps in the temple walls. 

—Lonely Only, Fresno, California 

Dear Only: Why do many of us hunger for ritual, even after we’ve abandoned church dogma? I invite your attention to Gobekli Tepe in southeastern Turkey. According to Smithsonian Magazine, in the 1990s archaeologist Klaus Schmidt discovered the oldest temple complex yet found. It was built more than 11,000 years ago—thousands of years before Stonehenge and the Great Pyramid. 

The worship center was erected with huge, carved stones by prehistoric people without metal tools, beasts of burden, permanent dwellings, or even pottery. The discovery changed the paradigm of civilization’s growth. Before Gobekli Tepe, we assumed people started with villages, then towns. The worship center came last, once a people settled down. 

Apparently, that’s backwards. Holy places drew wandering hunter-gatherers for (seasonal?) rituals. Eventually, the locale required permanent structures. Villages and towns grew in support of these stone Temples. So, instead of civilization giving rise to religion … you guessed it. Religion in its myriad forms gave birth to civilization. 

The urge to commemorate, celebrate, and worship surfaces from human DNA. While I’m not suggesting you build a temple of stone monoliths, you might consider what sacred spaces and ritual observations meet your evolving needs.  

Don’t look over your shoulder. You have nobody to please but yourself. However, you conceive the divine presence—God, gods, nature, Infinite Spirit, or something unique and delightful—that consciousness will surely bless you, every step of the way.