How to Attract the Right Relationship

“You can't give from an empty bucket,” a wise woman once told me. That pearl of wisdom changed my life.

It hit me like a ton of bricks that I had been trying for years to give without receiving, to give without filling my own love bucket, as so many of us compulsive givers do. 

Once I realized I had been doing all the giving, refusing to receive, I turned that around. It took quite some time, but the results were dramatic. … I honestly believe with all my heart that if you feel filled with love and surrounded by love, you will attract love.

...With the foundations of honoring your true Self, believing and accepting more love in your life, the following steps will work well for you. Follow them to create a loving relationship that is the highest and best it can be for you. 

Step One: Decide what you really want in a mate

In order to find someone who has the qualities you desire, of course, you must know what those qualities are. Perhaps you envision a kind, caring person. Later you think about communication, then fun and playfulness. Think about what’s most important to you. Write down every single quality you desire in a mate. There is no limit. I wrote 156 on my list! 

Step Two: Create a key image

What I call a “key image” is a specific scene, taken from your perfect fantasy for your ideal mate. To develop a key image, think of a scene that fits your image of the right relationship [such as] a toast at your 25th wedding anniversary party. I used this key image before I met my husband, because I wanted a lifelong marriage and realized I would have to do better than just imagining myself getting married. I’d done that once already, and it hadn’t lasted long. I wanted to stay married. 

Step Three: Be grateful

When I’ve been grateful for any amount of love in my life, even though it seemed very little at the time, I always got more. Being grateful works to keep us on top of life because it helps us stay focused on the positive. Whatever we focus upon is what we receive, so a focus on lack creates more lack. 

Step Four: Pretend you are in love

I remember when I was younger feeling as though [love] would never happen, could never happen. Then when I did finally fall in love, I would think, “This can’t really be happening to me; it feels too good to be true.” So, of course, it went away. Until we can spiritually, mentally and emotionally accept a solid, healthy, steadfast love, it will never stay. Imagining you are in love will help it stick when it does come, because you will have gotten used to the feeling. 

Step Five: Take action

If you haven’t already done everything you can think of to meet a kindred soul, why not have fun exploring the possibilities? Clubs and organizations, hobby classes, spiritual-growth seminars, dating services, volunteer work and many other options exist for your discovery. 

Step Six: Let go and surrender the outcome to God

I had to be willing to face my greatest fear—being alone the rest of my life. Once I could finally face it, it wasn’t so bad. After all, who wants to be with someone just to be with someone? 

When you are creating your ideal relationship, remember to look forward with a positive attitude to the growing experiences you will have. When the time is perfect for you to be  in love, you will be. 

This article was adapted from Think Yourself Loved by Debbie Johnson, published by Unity Books®.

Enjoy this podcast with Jayne Coley — Cracking the Man Code: Guest Mat Boggs