Good Questions: Caring About Entertainment While Suffering Exists, the Ethics of Church Hopping to Find Someone, Why People Believe in Hell, and Reincarnation

Caring About Entertainment While Suffering Exists

Dear Dr. Tom: With so much trouble in the world, why do people care more about sports and TV shows and music videos than the sufferings of millions?

—Troubled in Topeka, Kansas

Dear Troubled: I hear your frustration, but I’m not sure of the premise. I’m not convinced that people care about sports and TV shows and music videos but not human suffering. Compassion for others and the love of good experiences—like sports, music, and other forms of entertainment—are not mutually exclusive.

One could argue that athletic competition is a good model of competitive struggle within boundaries. Music can be trashy or sublime, and both extremes might have value to express feelings often suppressed. Certainly, the popularity of TV shows and movies speaks to the need for escape from a world often too harsh or painful.

But a better question might be, “What shall we do after the show ends? Work in the real world to make life better in some small way, or find the next diversion?”

As a Unity person, I want to affirm the basic divinity in each human being. I guess it depends on what we do with the God-power within. But I don’t think watching a game or following a new sitcom is copping out of my responsibilities to love God and neighbor. It’s all a matter of degree, which I think is what you’re saying too.

The Ethics of Church Hopping to Find Someone

Dear Dr. Tom: I hope you have some spiritual advice to offer that helps. I am in my fifties, divorced, and lonely. I'd like to meet someone, maybe even find a woman to love and cherish. I’d like to get married again, this time for the rest of my life. But I don't want to go bar hopping or ask a friend to set me up. I'm a good, hardworking, mellow kind of guy, but not really a Christian, so here’s my question. Is it ethically okay to go church-hopping to see if there are date prospects in my age bracket?

—Ethical Sinner in Seattle, Washington

Dear Ethical: I’ve got to admit, your message gave me a chuckle. Let’s see: If you showed up at one of the churches I’ve served as pastor and told me you wanted to attend, but it was strictly for the purpose of dating, what would I do?

Side note: This is one of those times when I’m really, really glad there’s a (Ret.) behind my name. Otherwise, I’d probably be answering to the Board for the following reply.

Okay, my friend, I’ll tell you. I have absolutely no problems with a man or woman coming to church to seek love, especially the kind of love summarized by the New Testament Greek word agape (ἀγάπη). Agape is selfless love that puts the other person first. It does not exclude other aspects of what would become modern romantic love, as long as its foundation begins with a passionate desire to share as an equal.

If you came to my church with that goal in mind, I wouldn’t care if you joined the church or sang in the choir—although both would be a nice benefit for the community. I would care if you were looking for quick hook-ups among the singles who attended Unity of XYZ. But you wouldn’t do that, because you’re “a good, hardworking, mellow kind of guy.”

Good luck. There are lonely 50-somethings out there waiting to find you.

Why People Believe in Hell

Dear Dr. Tom: Why do so many people believe in hell? It is so irrational. Why would a loving Father-Mother God create and maintain a place of eternal torment for humans who make poor, or even evil choices in their short lifespans? Would any parent do that to a wayward child? No wonder membership in churches has plummeted. They're offering eternal joy or endless torment. Who can believe that? And where do the bad souls of alien life forms go?

—Texas Skeptic

Dear Tex-Skeptic: I have long since given up trying to convince people that neither the God of Jesus nor Yahweh of Israel presided over the Greco-Roman domain of Tartarus. This pitlike abyss lay far below the underworld of Hades, where souls were tormented for their misdeeds.

The practical application of heaven-or-hell theology allowed some schools of thought in the Church to present a clear choice to unbelievers. Believe what we say is true, or you will be cast into outer darkness and/or eternal fire. This formula was especially handy when Church and State became one. Accept the Emperor or you are rejecting God. And you know what happens in eternity if you do that. It was the ultimate marriage of religious dominance and political power.

I don’t know why we’re having this discussion in the space age. Heaven isn’t in the clouds, as the ancients believed, and hell isn’t under the earth. And as a science fiction writer, don’t get me started on tormenting souls of aliens on distant worlds. Let’s just affirm that humanity will work through the last vestiges of tribalism sometime in this millennia, and trust the God of grace, power, and eternal love will be with us during these last centuries of ignorance.

Reincarnation

Dear Dr. Tom: Do you believe in reincarnation? There are so many recorded instances of past lives memories, I don’t see how it could be a hoax. I wonder … Your thoughts?

—Curiously Optimistic in Minneapolis, Minnesota

Dear Curious: Lots of people wonder this same thing too. Filmmaker and comic Woody Allen reportedly said, “I didn’t believe in reincarnation in my past life, and I still don’t.” Unlike Woody, I have gone back and forth on this question over the years.

On the no side, I worried whether the math of reincarnation was problematic. At this writing, according to the World Population Clock, the global headcount has reached 8.3 billion human beings. Could everybody living today have lived multiple lives? Turns out that scientists estimate 117 billion H-sapiens have walked the planet in the history of our species. This estimate is an inexact science, but if true it means the ratio of living to previously alive is about 14 to 1.

In a previous life, I could have been Caesar Agustus, but if we both show up at a “Come as You Were” party dressed as the First Roman Emperor, one of us came as we weren’t, an imposter.

On the yes side: I really like the idea of previous lives. Maybe Carol-Jean and I have loved and harangued each other across savanna, steppe, and fjords for thousands of years. The possibility of new life and opportunities for endless creative expression appeals to the human soul.

Resurrection seems moldy, angels in the clouds a bit too detached from reality. But to be born again and struggle with life’s joys and pains while learning what it means to be fully human and fully divine—that’s a nice picture to finger paint at the retirement home someday. Maybe in my next life.