A Prayer for Children: Handling Disappointment

Reframing Our Automatic Negative Thoughts (ANTs)

The beginning of a new school year brings excitement as children meet their new teachers and navigate the unfamiliar territory of social circles and classrooms. One of the thrills of a new school year may be extracurricular activities. There are as many lessons learned on the field or onstage as in the classroom. Whether sports, music, or theater, sharing their talents can be a little scary because participation often requires tryouts. 

Trying out for a team or a school play takes courage for a child (or even an adult). You are being judged on your skills for something you love doing. The disappointment of being rejected can have a lasting effect.

I was a theater kid. To this day, I remember the elation being cast in the school play as a freshman, and years later, the deflation when I didn’t land my dream role in the musical Grease. In both instances, I let my self-worth be determined by someone else’s judgment about me in comparison to others—not for the Truth of my being. 

This is even more impactful for children because they are forming core beliefs about themselves that they will carry into adulthood. Many adults are still carrying the weight of rejection from not making the team as a child. 

Thankfully, Unity principles and tools provide a framework for understanding that we are not our mistakes (or our accomplishments). We are perfect, whole and complete, created in the image and likeness of God, infinitely good, whether we make the team or get the part. 

How to Choose New Thoughts

In Unity we teach that our experience is based on what we choose to think, feel, and believe. We sometimes see the world through the lens of our past beliefs, but the good news is that we can choose a new thought! 

To help children understand their power to choose, our church’s youth program offered a series called Going on a Spiritual Picnic. If life is like a picnic, with yummy foods, friends, and beautiful scenery, then the disappointment of not being chosen is like an ant.  

These ANTs (Automatic Negative Thoughts) come when we are disappointed and can alter the way we see ourselves. If a child doesn’t make the team, they may immediately think I’m not good enough or I’ll never get it right. Helping children recognize their ANTs is the first step in shifting those thoughts.  

A fun way to assist your child in recognizing ANTs is to have your own spiritual picnic. First, gather all the things needed—a blanket, food, music, and of course, a basket—and choose a space indoors or out. As you enjoy the food, begin to have a conversation. Talk about a situation that didn’t turn out the way they wanted and explore the spiritual ANTs together. It may even help the children to draw them. 

For instance, if they don’t make the team, they may think I’m not good enough. Once they begin to recognize their ANTs they can say, “Wait! That’s just an ant!” This pattern interrupt helps create space for them to choose a new thought.

Now that we’ve recognized the ants, how do we shift our thoughts?

1. Mindful Breathing—Our breath not only gives us life but connects us to Source. Having children practice mindful breathing is an easy way to help them self-regulate and focus on the present moment, alleviating anxiety. This is a great tool to use before an audition or big test as well. 
   
   A good breathing exercise for children is “belly breathing.” Have them lie down and put their favorite “stuffie” on their belly. As they inhale, count to four as they watch their belly buddy rise with their tummy. Hold for four counts and then exhale for a count of eight. Keeping their eyes on their belly buddy focuses them in the present moment.  
   
2. What’s Next?—The power of imagination is our children’s superpower, creating worlds out of cardboard boxes and crayons. Invite them to use their imagination to create the experience they want to see. If they didn’t get a part in the school play, they can put on a play at home or draw themselves onstage. The goal is to shift their feelings toward their divine perfection so they can choose a new thought in alignment with the truth of their being. They are talented. They are smart. From that place, they can say, “What’s next?” and begin to imagine and create their next adventure.

A Prayer When Children Feel Disappointed

As I take a breath, I bring into my heart space the feeling of joy I had as a child, creating worlds in my imagination, each day full of the promise of adventure. As I bring to mind the children in my life, I am grateful for their life experiences. As they navigate the disappointments that may come, I hold close that childlike wonder and hear their laughter as they imagine what’s next. Any disappointment in the present moment fades into future possibility. Thank you, God, for the power of imagination and the awareness that we create our experience.

A Shared Family Prayer for Dealing with Disappointment

As we breathe together, we affirm this truth: I am smart. I am enough. I am loved. If something doesn’t turn out the way we want, we say, “What’s next?” and picture our next adventure. When someone we love is disappointed, we see them laughing and filled with joy. Thank you, God, for this life and the many adventures we have had and those yet to come. All of it is good. All of it is God. 

Together we affirm:

Did you know? All children are welcome to pray with Unity Prayer Ministry associates.