Sex Before Marriage

Question:

I am living with a man now. We love each other and are committed to each other. Is sex before marriage wrong? I don’t believe it is in a committed relationship, but I want to know what Scripture really says. Thank you!

Comment:

This is a difficult question to answer in a brief reply. I cannot think offhand of a specific Bible passage that forbids sex before marriage—so long as neither of you is already committed to someone else. “Adultery,” which is forbidden in the Ten Commandments, refers not to having sex, but to violating the marriage commitment. “Fornication,” which is the word most often used in translating Paul's letters, describes sex without any type of spiritual commitment—sex simply for the physical pleasure.   To Jesus, strict obedience to the letter of the law was never the point. In Matthew 5:27-28 we read, "'You have heard that it was said, 'You shall not commit adultery.' But I say to you that every one who looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart.'" It is lust—not the presence or absence of the sex act itself—that is the spiritual challenge. Lust is the shadow side of love; it is placing our emphasis solely on our physical bodies and physical demands. It is a violation of the other, because it is only about using the other to gratify our own perceived needs. Love, on the other hand, is an expression of divine energy—an experience and expression of Oneness that allows the very essence of our divinity—"God is love" we read in 1 John—to join with that of another. Is our consciousness locked in lust or expressive of the joy of love? We can only turn for an answer to the guidance of the Christ voice within us, where the truth is always known.

Blessings!

Rev. Ed